Interpersonal Issues: Touchy Feely Meetings
Hiring people who fit your company culture and team personality vastly improves overall performance, but there is still hard work to be done to make sure that the interpersonal dynamics are being actively managed so that the good work sees the light of day.
Even when people are friends, as we are, and have a lot in common, which we do, there will always be bullshit (our fancy internal term) that arises. If left unattended, it will take root and blow up spectacularly.
And those festering issues can manifest themselves in other ways. Someone will shoot down an idea not on merit, but because of who suggested it. Or someone gets caught up thinking about how they’ve been ‘wronged’ rather than focusing on the business.
There are only so many minutes in a day. You can either do your best to clear the mental decks or you can ignore the issue altogether, let things build up and then fire someone.
Unfortunately, most companies select the latter option.
At RoundPegg, we’ve chosen a different approach. We air our concerns and grievances with eachother in a bi-weekly Touchy Feely Meeting (a bit of a misnomer since it’s actually one of the hardest things to do).
We also have the benefit of knowing how each of us are wired and we pull out our ‘Peggs’ at every meeting to remind others of what we value or what our personality is. That makes things more effective…as do the rules we’ve put in place:
- 1. Start by stating how a situation makes you feel (When X happened, I felt Y). Describe the situation and your reaction to it only. No focusing on what you think the other person intended or their motives
- 2. Be vulnerable. Letting your guard down is the best way to prevent the meeting from going south and ensuring that everyone has the same goal of improving the situation
- 3. Think. Don’t react. Being defensive is not helpful. Instead, try to understand why someone felt that way. Needless to say, attacking is prohibited. Nobody is keeping score so it’s pointless
- 4. Take ownership of making someone feel the way they did/do. Likely, that wasn’t your intention, but it happened. Own it
- 5. Don’t let issues linger. It’s okay to agree to think through things as ‘homework’ and revisit in the next session but the person who brought up the issue must agree
- 6. Walk out stronger than you came in. The air should be more clear and will be if people are owning their actions and agreeing to
- 7. Work hard. Put real thought into solutions between meetings. If, like most other meetings, you walk in and wing it then it’s not going to work and you’ll likely violate rule #2.
We’re then posting the output on our internal wiki. This may be going too far, but we want to have a fully transparent workplace and you can’t get more sensitive than these meetings. We’ll continue doing so until we’re badly burned. And then we’ll still probably continue doing so with a tweak or two (like removing names).
As we grow we have every intention of rolling this out for every team. Frankly, it’s a couple hours a month that are very well spent. You waste more times doing less productive things, like status meetings.
While I’d like to tell you these are the elixir that cures all workplace ills, it’s too early. We’ve been at it for a couple of months, but we can definitively say that it doesn’t hurt and that we all believe we’re a stronger team for feeling comfortable bearing our insecurities.
The Dependability Quotient (DQ)
Sometimes the best mentors are your peers.
While cutting my teeth at my first ‘real job,’ I had a friend who constantly dwelled upon his Dependability Quotient (DQ). His take was that he was only as good an employee as his word. He was a freelance consultant so the need for a high DQ was more obvious than for all of us securely employed at Big Co., USA.
But, the need for a high DQ is the same regardless.
Work is all about trust.
Every interaction, even those with people with whom you are (supposedly) on the same team, is about trust.
In his case, the more people trusted him the more work he would get, the more money he would make and the more often he’d be recommended to others.
Even so, it holds true for all of us corporate monkeys as well. The more often we successfully follow through on our word the more access to big opportunities we get. The more we can be leaned upon to help senior executives. And the more we are entrusted to do what’s right for the organization and we don’t waste as much time being mired in office ‘politics.’
While my friend and I never explicitly talked about how to quantify DQ, I’d guess his mental equation went something like this:
DQ = 0.75*(# of completed commitments) – 1,000*(# of failed commitments)
While that’s likely overstating it, you’ve heard the old pearls of wisdom that say it takes 10 happy customers to make up for one pissed off one. Or ten positive remarks to cover the sting on one negative. DQ would follow an amplified form of those.
We work interdependently these days. There are very few things that one person accomplishes solo. So in order for you to look good you need your manager, peers or subordinates to follow through on the items they committed to do for you. And vice versa.
To get ahead, take the long view. Worry less about the petty politics and work on establishing your DQ. Only one of those will follow you for your entire career.
Think about who you’d love to work with again. My guess is that they were the ones you trusted implicitly after hundreds of repeated actions where they followed through and made you look good.
Thanks for reading. I’m off to tackle something I’ve promised to do for our team. Chalk another 3/4 of a point up to my DQ.
Yes We Can
“This is our moment. This is our time. …To reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth that out of many we are one. While we breathe, we hope. And where we are met with cynicism and doubt…we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of the people: Yes we can.”
-Barack Obama
We are at a crossroads in our country’s history. We have allowed divisive issues to define who we are and, in the name of freedom and false hope, have forsaken many of the pillars upon which our country was founded. But last night we took the first step down the very long road to reclaiming the soul of our country.
That journey won’t be easy and there will be missteps. But we will not be making it blindly. Or alone. We have walked this path before, we’ve merely forgotten.
And now we have somebody who can inspire us to lift our foot when we are tired. To overcome when we meet obstacles. And to help our neighbor when they cannot go on. For this is a collective race, not an individual one.
While we are mired in war, on the brink of environmental disaster and have a rapidly collapsing financial system we must still take the next step. We must come back together.
To solve these problems we must to collectively believe again. To work together again.
This election had nothing to do with experience. Or policy. It was about finding the right leader. Finding the person who could inspire a nation.
And last night was more than breaking racial barriers. It was more than engaging a generation just now coming of age.
It was about restoring America as a beacon of hope for people the world around. And particularly for everyone of us living under the fifty-starred flag charged with keeping the lamp lit.
For without hope, success means nothing. Without hope we are merely individuals. And without hope we leave our children and their children nothing.
Hope can unite us and can make us a collective once again. Today we take the first step away from being 300 million individuals fighting for our share and the first step toward being the united America that has overcome every challenge put in front of us.
On September 12th, 2001 we bonded. We vowed to remember that feeling. That sense of purpose. We were reminded of what mattered and the American Dream was reinvigorated. We realized the American Dream wasn’t about accumulating wealth or a house or a bigger SUV. Nor was it about living an easy, comfortable life.
In fact, the American Dream isn’t really a dream at all. It is a way of thinking.
The American Dream is about making ourselves better people. The better people we see in our dreams.
Rooted in that is the belief that merit triumphs. That you can’t keep a good man or woman or country down. And that standing on the shoulders of men does not make one a giant.
The American Dream is hope.
And yet, that feeling slipped from our grasp. That feeling and our bonds were rooted in the tenuous emotions of fear and uncertainty. Two emotions with which our country has little collective experience dealing. And it tore us apart.
The last decade has been difficult. The challenges we now face are enormous. But this election showed that millions of people are ready, willing and able to get behind something. To take a stand and believe in the American Dream and the country they love once again.
Today, November 5th, is a lot like September 12th. We again have a collective notion of what hope feels like. We have the clarity of vision that comes from focusing on what it takes to be the better people we see in our dreams.
Most importantly, we now have a leader who can remind us of this feeling, of the better us and who will enable us to begin to live again the American Dream.
This time that feeling and our bonds are rooted in hope and optimism. Two emotions that are inextricably woven into the our social fabric. This time we are focused on what is possible, not what is scary. This time, I hope, it is here to stay.
Remember this feeling. This moment. For this is the moment when we rediscovered who we are.
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Update: Consider subscribing to the Office of the new President’s blog.
Revising the Electoral Process
Last week I made my second political donation ever and it immediately dawned on me what a dumb idea that was. Why should any of us fund a campaign?
How is a campaign funded by the people any different than one funded by lobbyists, big business and blue bloods? The candidate funded by the former may not be as beholden to contributors, but in either case, the election is still being purchased.
And what do we the people get for that money? Smear attacks, intentionally misleading information and/or outright lies about the opponent’s intentions and a distillation of talking points into a 30-second television spot rather than a discourse on real beliefs and ideas.
(To put it into perspective: spending for the 2008 presidential election alone is going to top 1/700th of what it apparently costs to bail out the financial industry or it could fund a war in Iraq for 3 days 2 hours and 24 minutes.)
If we ceased all advertising for political purposes (even and especially 527s) what would we be left with?
Put the politicians back on whistle-stop tours. But, not being a total Luddite, I would also like to still see them debate, blog, vlog and tweet (if they must). The difference is pulling versus pushing the message. In this new world, only the people who cared would get it.
And I cannot believe I am going to publicly admit this, but George Will and I share a belief. In a diatribe about early voting he says, ‘…surely the quality of the electoral turnout declines when the quantity is increased…’ That is true of everything, not just voting. As soon as you broaden the circle beyond experts you are going to dilute the quality of a decision.
Now, I will not advocate eliminating early voting, but I think limiting how the ‘presidential’ messages get out will effectively limit voting. After all, the politicians can no longer police themselves. We have officially arrived at the point where one of the parties believes that if they say something enough times it makes it true. And the rest of us do not care enough to actually learn the truth. Instead, we rely on biting sound clips, false Internet chain letters, 30-second lies and ranting radio talk-show host buffoons. Our reward? A collective dumbing down of the process, our leaders and our country.
I do not want to disenfranchise anyone. But there should be some litmus test. So long as they care enough to look behind the curtain they should vote. This is not a red/blue thing or a rich/poor thing. This is an American thing. This is about getting people more involved in the process.
A great country should be ruled by a set of ideals (which we used to have), not by the emotionally manipulative and misleading crap we see on television.
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Public Service: Check the facts about the claims you hear.
What Do We Believe In?
Rhetoric, mistruths and turning blind eyes to facts are all part of politics and rallying the base. But one line in particular during Gov. Palin’s speech last night really rattled me. It showed the true colors of the new Republican party and how far we’ve drifted from our once great principles.
“Al Qaeda terrorists still plot to inflict catastrophic harm on America … [Obama's] worried that someone won’t read them their rights?”
The fact that Gov. Palin and the subsequently hootin’ n’ hollerin’ conventioneers seemed to find this worthy of mockery is appalling.
Our country has historically attempted to take the higher road. We used to believe that ALL MAN, not just Americans, have been endowed with certain inalienable rights. Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, in case you’ve forgotten over the last eight years.
As citizens we’ve held our government and ourselves to a higher standard and expected the same from other sovereign states. We cared about doing what is right, like believing in the presumption of innocence, rather than what is easy. We need a leader, for the first time in my lifetime, who can bring us back to these ideals.
A leader is principled and holds herself to a higher standard. A leader isn’t perfect, but she recognizes the power she holds and is careful not to abuse it. A leader respects the rules of the game and doesn’t try to change them mid-course out of convenience.
Gov. Palin is no leader. And neither are those within the new Republican party.
Oh, one final piece of advice to the leaders of this new Republican party:
If you’re going to respect a life before birth, respect it also during life.
